It would be more moral to do as you said at the end of the first paragraph, yes. The crux of this issue is that you try to force yourself to conform to a higher standard than you really live by because you believe it is right. And you just admitted yourself that it's not realistic.
And it's not so much that empathy cannot override your self-interest, just that it should only override it to a certain point. Last night at work (temp job as a motel desk clerk), I had to serve an angry, aggressive man who was rude from the moment I laid eyes on him and looked about 10 seconds away from getting into a fight with me. While filling out his paperwork, I overheard him threaten to 'slap the shit' out of the woman he was with, who returned quickly to their vehicle. Right afterwards, a younger, attractive young girl (compared to myself and Angry Man) came in, and Angry Man was suddenly sweet and charming, both to her and myself. Once Angry Man left, I made a point of warning Sweet Young Girl that she should probably keep her distance, explained why, and she thanked me and left.
While I thought about warning her, it occurred to me that I had no reason to do so for myself. In fact, it could backfire quite badly if Angry Man finds out, as it could endanger my job or cause Angry Man to pick a fight with me as revenge. But I realistically weighed the likelihood of that happening (pretty unlikely) vs. the odds of this girl ending up raped or something similar (not unlikely, given Angry Man and the fact that its happened before at that workplace). My empathic reaction against that girl possibly getting raped was much greater than the small risk to myself, so I tried to help her. But if I had walked by an alley later and saw her getting raped by that man, I wouldn't have charged in to save her. He outweighed me by a good 40 pounds and had at least 4 inches in height advantage. He also had that wiry, mean look to him that told me I really didn't want to get into a fight with him. I was unarmed, and he looked the type to possibly be carrying a gun or a knife, while I am out of shape. If he did have a gun or knife, I'd likely be dead very quickly. So I would not charge down that hypothetical alley to save her. I do not consider that cowardice, just healthy self-preservation. And I would not consider anyone who did in the same circumstances brave, I would consider them stupid. I would, however, call the cops. I'd also shout and at least pretend to head towards him, just to try to scare him off. But that's it.
This is what I'm talking about when I'm emphasizing the importance of selfishness. Pretty much all of your characters except Alex fall into the acceptable range of selfishness/empathy for me. Only Alex falls into that extreme empathic range which makes her a moral paragon (imo), because you set the bar for her into something you think she *should* strive to be due to her being the hero, unrealistic by your own admission. I find that just as abhorrent as the sociopath, who has a complete lack of empathy.
That said, by this point I feel we've all probably said all there is to say on the topic, so this'll be my last mini-blog about it that doesn't address anything specific. But cheers for a interesting, civil debate everyone.
Re: Empathy and selfishness
And it's not so much that empathy cannot override your self-interest, just that it should only override it to a certain point. Last night at work (temp job as a motel desk clerk), I had to serve an angry, aggressive man who was rude from the moment I laid eyes on him and looked about 10 seconds away from getting into a fight with me. While filling out his paperwork, I overheard him threaten to 'slap the shit' out of the woman he was with, who returned quickly to their vehicle. Right afterwards, a younger, attractive young girl (compared to myself and Angry Man) came in, and Angry Man was suddenly sweet and charming, both to her and myself. Once Angry Man left, I made a point of warning Sweet Young Girl that she should probably keep her distance, explained why, and she thanked me and left.
While I thought about warning her, it occurred to me that I had no reason to do so for myself. In fact, it could backfire quite badly if Angry Man finds out, as it could endanger my job or cause Angry Man to pick a fight with me as revenge. But I realistically weighed the likelihood of that happening (pretty unlikely) vs. the odds of this girl ending up raped or something similar (not unlikely, given Angry Man and the fact that its happened before at that workplace). My empathic reaction against that girl possibly getting raped was much greater than the small risk to myself, so I tried to help her. But if I had walked by an alley later and saw her getting raped by that man, I wouldn't have charged in to save her. He outweighed me by a good 40 pounds and had at least 4 inches in height advantage. He also had that wiry, mean look to him that told me I really didn't want to get into a fight with him. I was unarmed, and he looked the type to possibly be carrying a gun or a knife, while I am out of shape. If he did have a gun or knife, I'd likely be dead very quickly. So I would not charge down that hypothetical alley to save her. I do not consider that cowardice, just healthy self-preservation. And I would not consider anyone who did in the same circumstances brave, I would consider them stupid. I would, however, call the cops. I'd also shout and at least pretend to head towards him, just to try to scare him off. But that's it.
This is what I'm talking about when I'm emphasizing the importance of selfishness. Pretty much all of your characters except Alex fall into the acceptable range of selfishness/empathy for me. Only Alex falls into that extreme empathic range which makes her a moral paragon (imo), because you set the bar for her into something you think she *should* strive to be due to her being the hero, unrealistic by your own admission. I find that just as abhorrent as the sociopath, who has a complete lack of empathy.
That said, by this point I feel we've all probably said all there is to say on the topic, so this'll be my last mini-blog about it that doesn't address anything specific. But cheers for a interesting, civil debate everyone.