Movie Review: Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

I saw Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker. Like everyone else on the Internet, I have opinions that no one asked for, so here they are.

( Spoilers all over the place because I DGAF about spoilers. Seriously, I hate people who whine about spoilers, and although I'm not so big a dick I'd deliberately spoil a movie, I am not sympathetic. But here's your spoiler warning. )