I didn't think this scene was awful in its Mary Sue-ness, I guess mostly because Alex didn't actually intend to do anything and it was basically accident and blind luck she survived. (Kind of like how Harry survived most of his climaxes come to think of it...) A few scenes later in the book are much worse in this regard. (Invisible Bridge...)
I'm not a fan of how you have the narration state their personalities and characteristics in this chapter. That's probably the worst part IMO.
I envisioned her as a bright adventurous girl, full of trouble, something of a tomboy (though she wouldn't exactly think of herself that way; she's mostly gender-oblivious at this point).
Hmm. A lot of those are still the same, but I guess Alex has lost some of her...free-spirited adventurousness, or something? It's hard to say because we only get a few chapters before the kappa incident, which basically kicks off Alex's life kind of going to shit. It's interesting how the wizarding world basically saves Harry from a horrific home situation, while for Alex it just ends up giving her far more problems (at least no one was trying to kill her in the muggle world).
Sometimes I think the kappa incident had a far bigger impact on Alex than was visible at the time.
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Yayy it started!
Date: 2012-06-22 03:06 am (UTC)I'm not a fan of how you have the narration state their personalities and characteristics in this chapter. That's probably the worst part IMO.
I envisioned her as a bright adventurous girl, full of trouble, something of a tomboy (though she wouldn't exactly think of herself that way; she's mostly gender-oblivious at this point).
Hmm. A lot of those are still the same, but I guess Alex has lost some of her...free-spirited adventurousness, or something? It's hard to say because we only get a few chapters before the kappa incident, which basically kicks off Alex's life kind of going to shit. It's interesting how the wizarding world basically saves Harry from a horrific home situation, while for Alex it just ends up giving her far more problems (at least no one was trying to kill her in the muggle world).
Sometimes I think the kappa incident had a far bigger impact on Alex than was visible at the time.
Yeah this post was mostly a ramble...