Alexandra Quick and the Lands Below (Chapter 17)

[inverarity]

Abraham Thorn

Comments

AQ series

[(Anonymous)]

Great job! The depth of your world in the context of the greater Potterverse is fantastic! The characters are really developing into very distinct and colorful individuals that can actually be told apart. Most fan fiction I need to keep a separate notepad to remember who is connected to whom. Not required for so thoughtful and elaborate a story as this!

General criticism is the same as I have for most fan fiction. Electrons are cheap and there are just too many words. Not every possible relationship interaction needs to be deeply explored, misunderstood, postured upon, discussed, and reconciled. Sometimes a good editor is worth losing a couple of chapters over. Consider the Dursleys - their presence is minimal, but we know so much about them and why they're disagreeable. Specifically I'm pointing to amount of time with Alexandra's stepfather, what's-his-face. Sure the scene of rescuing her from the foxfire was touching, but he seems far to present for a minor character.. OR IS HE???

Also I particularly enjoyed the exclusively Harry perspective of the original series. It makes it challenging to get everything across, especially if you keep the characters and their perspective true to their ages. You play it pretty close, but sometimes it seems like there is an extra scene or two there just to lay it all out there. There wouldn't have been as much good-natured debate in JKR's work if every twist and turn was telegraphed and laid wide open so that everyone (characters & readers) knows what's going on.

I don't know if it's only because I've never been an 12-year-old girl with their relationships, but is Alexandra acting too old? It's been a wonderful transition from first to second year in the development of her character. I just don't know if she's growing up too fast. Then again, maybe it was easier for me to identify with Harry's obliviousness because those were the changes I went though.

Please no menstrual/puberty plot lines! We didn't explore Harry's wanking in cannon and I'd prefer to see it kept 'G' (or PG) as this story continues. Just a plea from someone who has read (or at least started to read) some creepy ways this has been handled.

drop me a line at rabaril at netzero if you want more feedback (or someone to read the rest of book two)

Cheers!

[inverarity68.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the detailed and thoughtful review!

You're right about the extra verbiage. It's hard to limit yourself when you have no maximum word count. I originally intended AQATLB to be about the same length as AQATTC, and it wound up being half again as long. I know that if either one were published (imagining for a moment that were possible), there are entire chapters that would have to be hacked out. I'll have to resist the temptation to allow each book to inflate more than the previous one; there are really very few novels that need to be 300K words long!

Others have commented before that my preteens (both in AQ and in Hogwarts Houses Divided) sometimes act just a little bit too mature for their ages. This is probably true -- that's a very hard age to write for. But Alexandra is growing up, so hopefully she will continue to "act her age" even as she gets older.

I understand the concerns about "creepiness" -- I will not be dwelling on things like that. I won't promise they will never be mentioned, because after all, that's a pretty significant part of growing up, but they certainly won't have their own plot lines. I have no plans to exceed a PG rating -- or possibly PG-13, in the later books when the characters are older. Definitely nothing explicit, but I probably will be a little more realistic about teenage sexual activity than Rowling was.

I hope you continue to enjoy the series, and feel free to comment here or on ff.net or FA or wherever you read it. I love comments, constructive criticism, questions, whatever.