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inverarityWell, since I get more responses talking about other people's writing than my own, I'll lay off Rowling this time. I'm going to pick on Stephanie Meyer instead.
(No, I don't really post just to get responses. Usually I post because I'm suffering writer's ADD and I should really go somewhere without Internet access to get any serious writing done.)
Be warned: if the title of this post didn't make it clear, I think Twilight is an awful, awful book by a moderately awful writer. If you're a Twilight fan, I'm not mocking you personally for your guilty pleasures, but if mockery of said pleasures will hurt your feelings, you should probably skip this post.
Also, I'm going to use bad words.
Let's get one thing out of the way, first:
Because most fanfic writers are girls, I'm not surprised that people tend to assume I'm female, especially since I write a series whose main character is a girl.
Well, for those of you who are a bit clue-impaired (yes, I'm looking at you,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fpb, whom I have corrected more than once :P), I do in fact have a Y chromosome.
Being thus encumbered with an estrogen deficiency, I had no interest in Twilight. But I have gleefully taken part in the shredding, mocking, and general dudely disdain for Twilight.
Probably the best dissection/sporking of the Twilight series ever isstoney321's Sparkledammerung, which honestly, told me everything I need to know about the series. Stoney321, as an ex-Mormon, picks up on all the Mormon allusions that us gentiles might not get, and she does so hilariously. It's worth reading her spork for the graphics alone.
But then it occurred to me that it's kind of unfair to diss something you haven't actually read, isn't it? Maybe it's not as awful as everyone says it is. Maybe it's actually a fun and entertaining read. After all, it's got vampires and werewolves, so it has to be kind of interesting, right?
So, with my weekly Borders Books coupon, I marched into the local bookstore and not feeling even a little bit insecure in my manhood, I bought Twilight. Then I snuck out of the store with it wrapped in a plastic bag and tucked under my arm.
I was going to take one for the team. I was going to read Twilight.
Okay, I read a few chapters.
Yaaaaaaaawn.
I skimmed through the rest, and I think I have a handle on why so many girls like this shit. Unfortunately, it's not a pretty picture.
It's also nothing that anyone else hasn't said before, so expect no original observations here.
All mockery aside, Stephanie Meyers is not a good writer. I've read worse – much worse – but her characterizations are flat, her writing style is pedestrian, and her plot is stupid. Frankly, I blame her popularity in part on the enormous fan fiction community. Let's face it, most fan fiction writers suck horribly, but even the worst writers, who haven't even mastered basic grammar and punctuation, can acquire a large following just by appealing to an adolescent girl's fantasies.
(And lest you think I'm just mocking young girls, young boys are just as easy to lead by the naughty bits – stick a pair of boobies in front of them, and they'll buy any game, read any comic book, watch any dreckalicious TV series, as long as there's a hot girl about to fall out of her low-cut leather vest. But for the most part, they get taken in by different genres; young boys in general aren't big readers and don't drive the fanfic or YA markets.)
My point about fan fiction is this: I'll bet a large portion of the critical mass of readers who launched Twilight's popularity were fan fiction readers. They were used to squeeing over crappy writing and incoherent plots just to enjoy dysfunctional romances with cute boys (or between cute boys; i.e., the reason slash is popular).
Along comes Stephanie Meyers, who is not a good writer, but compared to most fan fiction writers she actually approaches literariness. She produced an eminently marketable story hitting current popular themes (Vampires! And werewolves!) with the perfect squee-worthy Bad Boy: even though Edward totally wants (to eat) Bella and is constantly reminding her how desirable (delicious) he finds her, he never does – not until they get married.
There's a twelve-year-old girl's fantasy right there: a boy who really, really, really wants to do you, but whom you don't have to worry is actually going to, you know, try and do it.
Rather than posting a bunch of excerpts dissecting Twilight ('cause, like I said, it's been done already, by more witty and insightful people than me, people who were actually able to get through the entire book), I'm going to just post a couple to make my point.
From chapter one, in which Bella's father, Charlie, informs her that he bought her a truck:
That's pretty typical of how Meyers does characterization: she tells us that Charlie is a gruff manly-man who “isn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud,” and that Bella inherited that from him. And then she shows us this by having him be embarrassed when she thanks him for something.
Yeah, “Gee, Dad, thanks for the truck” is just too darn much emotion for ol' Charlie.
Second excerpt, which I swear, I just chose by opening the book at random to prove my point:
Open to any random page in Twilight, and you are 90% likely to find, within one paragraph:
(1) Edward growling, baring his teeth, talking in a “dangerously low voice,” etc., and causing Bella to gasp, shiver, jump, have heart palpitations, and so on.
(2) Some description of muscles, alabaster skin, bright teeth, piercing eyes, etc.
(3) Edward telling Bella what to do, how she should or shouldn't feel, etc.
Girls like Edward because he'll take care of them and he wants to protect them and look over them (while they're sleeping) and he'll tell them what to do likeDaddy a creepy stalker a good romantic boyfriend. And they'll constantly be shivering and gasping and having heart palpitations just thinking about him (wow, Stephanie Meyer, your metaphors are so subtle!) but he'll never actually touch them (well, not in that way) until they get married.
This book is so, so, so incredibly fucking gross. I haven't read the subsequent ones, but I've read all the plot summaries. Even leaving aside Breaking Dawn, which apparently brings the faildammerung to an epic fail conclusion, the series only gets worse.
(In Breaking Dawn, Meyer really does outdo herself in epic grossness, though, and I don't just mean the vampire fang-C-section.)
I cannot put into words how horrible the messages in this book are, and yet I completely understand why they're so appealing to so many girls. Sadly, it's because I understand why so many girls are discouraged from having a healthy sense of independence and self-esteem.
(No, I don't really post just to get responses. Usually I post because I'm suffering writer's ADD and I should really go somewhere without Internet access to get any serious writing done.)
Be warned: if the title of this post didn't make it clear, I think Twilight is an awful, awful book by a moderately awful writer. If you're a Twilight fan, I'm not mocking you personally for your guilty pleasures, but if mockery of said pleasures will hurt your feelings, you should probably skip this post.
Also, I'm going to use bad words.
Let's get one thing out of the way, first:
Attention Internets: I am a Dude
Because most fanfic writers are girls, I'm not surprised that people tend to assume I'm female, especially since I write a series whose main character is a girl.
Well, for those of you who are a bit clue-impaired (yes, I'm looking at you,
fpb, whom I have corrected more than once :P), I do in fact have a Y chromosome.Being thus encumbered with an estrogen deficiency, I had no interest in Twilight. But I have gleefully taken part in the shredding, mocking, and general dudely disdain for Twilight.
Probably the best dissection/sporking of the Twilight series ever is
stoney321's Sparkledammerung, which honestly, told me everything I need to know about the series. Stoney321, as an ex-Mormon, picks up on all the Mormon allusions that us gentiles might not get, and she does so hilariously. It's worth reading her spork for the graphics alone.But then it occurred to me that it's kind of unfair to diss something you haven't actually read, isn't it? Maybe it's not as awful as everyone says it is. Maybe it's actually a fun and entertaining read. After all, it's got vampires and werewolves, so it has to be kind of interesting, right?
So, with my weekly Borders Books coupon, I marched into the local bookstore and not feeling even a little bit insecure in my manhood, I bought Twilight. Then I snuck out of the store with it wrapped in a plastic bag and tucked under my arm.
I was going to take one for the team. I was going to read Twilight.
Okay, I read a few chapters.
Yaaaaaaaawn.
I skimmed through the rest, and I think I have a handle on why so many girls like this shit. Unfortunately, it's not a pretty picture.
It's also nothing that anyone else hasn't said before, so expect no original observations here.
All mockery aside, Stephanie Meyers is not a good writer. I've read worse – much worse – but her characterizations are flat, her writing style is pedestrian, and her plot is stupid. Frankly, I blame her popularity in part on the enormous fan fiction community. Let's face it, most fan fiction writers suck horribly, but even the worst writers, who haven't even mastered basic grammar and punctuation, can acquire a large following just by appealing to an adolescent girl's fantasies.
(And lest you think I'm just mocking young girls, young boys are just as easy to lead by the naughty bits – stick a pair of boobies in front of them, and they'll buy any game, read any comic book, watch any dreckalicious TV series, as long as there's a hot girl about to fall out of her low-cut leather vest. But for the most part, they get taken in by different genres; young boys in general aren't big readers and don't drive the fanfic or YA markets.)
My point about fan fiction is this: I'll bet a large portion of the critical mass of readers who launched Twilight's popularity were fan fiction readers. They were used to squeeing over crappy writing and incoherent plots just to enjoy dysfunctional romances with cute boys (or between cute boys; i.e., the reason slash is popular).
Along comes Stephanie Meyers, who is not a good writer, but compared to most fan fiction writers she actually approaches literariness. She produced an eminently marketable story hitting current popular themes (Vampires! And werewolves!) with the perfect squee-worthy Bad Boy: even though Edward totally wants (to eat) Bella and is constantly reminding her how desirable (delicious) he finds her, he never does – not until they get married.
There's a twelve-year-old girl's fantasy right there: a boy who really, really, really wants to do you, but whom you don't have to worry is actually going to, you know, try and do it.
Rather than posting a bunch of excerpts dissecting Twilight ('cause, like I said, it's been done already, by more witty and insightful people than me, people who were actually able to get through the entire book), I'm going to just post a couple to make my point.
From chapter one, in which Bella's father, Charlie, informs her that he bought her a truck:
“You didn't need to do that, Dad. I was going to buy myself a car.”
“I don't mind. I want you to be happy here.” He was looking ahead at the road when he said this. Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him. So I was looking straight ahead as I responded.
“That's really nice, Dad. Thanks. I really appreciate it.” No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility. He didn't need to suffer along with me. And I never looked a free truck in the mouth – or engine.
“Well, now, you're welcome,” he mumbled, embarrassed by my thanks.
That's pretty typical of how Meyers does characterization: she tells us that Charlie is a gruff manly-man who “isn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud,” and that Bella inherited that from him. And then she shows us this by having him be embarrassed when she thanks him for something.
Yeah, “Gee, Dad, thanks for the truck” is just too darn much emotion for ol' Charlie.
Second excerpt, which I swear, I just chose by opening the book at random to prove my point:
“Oh, we have weapons.” He flashed his bright teeth in a brief, threatening smile. I fought back a shiver before it could expose me. “Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting.”
I couldn't stop the next shiver that flashed down my spine. I peeked across the cafeteria toward Emmett, grateful that he wasn't looking my way. The thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso were somehow even more menacing now.
Open to any random page in Twilight, and you are 90% likely to find, within one paragraph:
(1) Edward growling, baring his teeth, talking in a “dangerously low voice,” etc., and causing Bella to gasp, shiver, jump, have heart palpitations, and so on.
(2) Some description of muscles, alabaster skin, bright teeth, piercing eyes, etc.
(3) Edward telling Bella what to do, how she should or shouldn't feel, etc.
Girls like Edward because he'll take care of them and he wants to protect them and look over them (while they're sleeping) and he'll tell them what to do like
This book is so, so, so incredibly fucking gross. I haven't read the subsequent ones, but I've read all the plot summaries. Even leaving aside Breaking Dawn, which apparently brings the faildammerung to an epic fail conclusion, the series only gets worse.
(In Breaking Dawn, Meyer really does outdo herself in epic grossness, though, and I don't just mean the vampire fang-C-section.)
I cannot put into words how horrible the messages in this book are, and yet I completely understand why they're so appealing to so many girls. Sadly, it's because I understand why so many girls are discouraged from having a healthy sense of independence and self-esteem.
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-06 05:42 am (UTC)Point two: Twilight fans and followers are hundreds of millions. It's not quite as big as JKR, but it is certainly as big as another very bad series, Dan Brown's. I'm afraid I simply don't think there are so many members of fandom proper in the universe. You should have seen the streets of London when the first movie premiered! No, the size of fandom is a reflection of this rotten literature's success in the wider world. I think that "the only poet who understood what was going on" (as ever - that is how Neil Gaiman described him) was GK Chesterton, who said: "The public don't necessarily like bad literature. The public like a certain kind of literature, and like it, even when it is bad, better than the rest, even when it is good." As for why Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyer, who, in everyone's view, are bad, join JKR, who, in my view, is very good, in thus sweeping the board, that would take another analysis, and you would not agree anyway.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-06 08:32 am (UTC)(Please don't take "offender" too seriously -- I'm not actually offended. And usually I do correct the mistake when I notice it.)
I know the Twilight fandom is huge now. I remember when it was just getting big, though, and being touted as "The next Harry Potter."
I'm just hoping Cassandra Claire doesn't make it off the midlists.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-06 06:08 am (UTC)Ah...the Twilight!hate =] It's so amusing. Even my students get in on it. As a teacher, I don't give my opinion, BUT I did read the first book myself and found myself skipping over most of it. Eventually, I lent it to my friend and a year and a half later I find that I don't particularly care to ever get it back.
=]
no subject
Date: 2009-12-07 07:42 pm (UTC)(4) Edward smiling Bella's favorite crooked smile,
(5) Bella falling and hurting herself,
(6) Bella otherwise getting into some life-threatening situation, and
(7) Edward rolling his eyes on every other page (similar to how Dan Brown uses the word "sensed" in every other paragraph).
I did read not one, but all four of the saga, and diskliked about 7/8 of it. Your assessment is pretty similar to mine. I doubt I would have fawned over the series even if I was in its intended market.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 07:46 am (UTC)Another amusing take on the issue...
Date: 2009-12-08 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 07:14 pm (UTC)Second: Thank you. Even I (a girl) could not find anything to like about Twilight. Sorry, but the book bored me to tears. I bought it when it first came out, because I usually like supernatural young adult books. I was in one of those Vampire-genre phases, but the book itself was just...
I couldn't finish it. I still haven't finished it. I even went back after the first movie came out to see if I could TRY and like it. I didn't even know there was a plot until someone told me it was towards the end of the book. I thought, "I am not going to sit and read about some angst-ridden girl who is being stalked by a vampire-boy."
Oh! And the stalking thing really drives me up the wall. I mean, who watches people while they sleep? Murderers do. People looking for trouble. In Jacobs' "Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl," the main female protagonist would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to find the jealous lady of the house standing over her bedside, staring at her. Even my coworker, who had a friend that later began to stalk her because he was in love with her, was creep-ed out by the guy. REAL guys who stare and stalk the girls they like get restraining orders.
And yeah, I've heard people say that JKR doesn't have the great writing capabilities so many people claim she has. But I feel INSPIRED after reading a Harry Potter novel. I never liked reading before I found out when I was a little girl: OH! it wasn't Snape--it was Quirrell whose after Harry's life!
I read a lot of those historical romance novels you see on the bargain shelves in stores. I've run into male protagonists with similar aspects that Edward has--not necessarily the stalker-syndrome, but the whole "I'll take care of my woman" personality. However, usually the female protagonists don't want to be taken care of (and there's actually good plots in the ones I've read).
Anyway, my girlfriends and end up seeing the Twilight movies whenever they come out. We're the girls in the back who are making snarky comments about the plot, Bella's angst, and all the other losers in the story. (On another note, I actually like Jacob, the werewolf. His only flaw seems to be that he likes Bella.)
Late for class--Thanks for this entry! You made my day.
~J.Luna
Genetics
Date: 2009-12-14 03:52 am (UTC)Twilight was a guilty pleasure for me. Its awful the way sickly sweet candy is awful. No redeeming qualities. No food value. No reason to ever eat it again... But every now and then you do anyway.
Re: Genetics
Date: 2009-12-14 04:17 am (UTC)Re: Genetics
Date: 2009-12-14 05:00 am (UTC)Its pretty preposterous and quite frankly, if she had just not tried to explain it (its a *fantasy*) it would have been less stupid. Not much less stupid.
Re: Genetics
Date: 2010-01-12 04:36 am (UTC)Luckily I looked this up and didn't have to troll for it.
So humans have 23, werewolves have 24 and vampires have 25 chromosomes.
Sire/Dam mismatched chromosomal counts will generally get you sterile offspring (think horse/donkey/mule). Very rarely a mule mare will be fertile, but the males never are. So I guess Meyer's thought (assuming thought was involved) was that Nessie has 24 chromosomes which makes her a perfect match for Jacob (also blessed with 24 chromosomes). However, at least one of Jacob's and Nessie's chromosomes do not match each other - so would most likely result in their offspring having 23 matched chromosomes and 2 unmatched chromosomes. And since we know that werewolves only imprint on mates who have a good chance of having baby werewolves, then there has to be some way that they match up.
Unmatched chromosomes are generally bad. Bad bad bad for you.
Unless they are XXY males or XXX females, in which case you are pretty much normal. I wouldn't think that the be extra sex chromosomes that Jacob and Edward would be sporting would be sex chromosomes, though. Unless, lets see, that would make werewolfism a sex linked characteristic and only males would inherit it (if on Y chromosome) but we know there is at least one female werewolf so that is out - if you have a Y you are a boy, no ifs ands or buts (HI Inverarity *waves*).
So it would have to be a recessive gene on the X chromosome, in which case you could have a female werewolf with double (no, triple) recessives. So Nessie would have to get her X chromosome from Bella, and lets say, two X's from Edward (because he has so much to give her - including extra genetic material). Then Nessie would have to be a XXX. So then Jacob (XXY) and Nessie would have kids who would be
... well I'll be damned.. that might actually be possible.
Re: Genetics
Date: 2010-01-12 04:38 am (UTC)Just stumbled in
Date: 2010-01-13 12:57 pm (UTC)I'm not saying that I'm a better writer than Stephanie Meyer, but I do feel that society should not exalt people who are leading us down the Neanderthal path of women needing men to protect them from a figurative (or in the case of the series, literal) big bad wolf.
I completely plan on reading your journal religiously, because I might just find that we're not that different, you and me.