So I left this nice, long, scene-by-scene review of chapter 20...and then fanfiction.net ate it. So yeah, didn't really feel like writing the entire thing out again. >_>
I'll post an actual ff.net review later (mostly to assuage my perfectionist tendencies), but for now, these were the major points: 1) Another great chapter, no real complaints. 2) Good job showing that Diana Grimm is not incompetent, and also humanizing her a little. I still think it would do her good to apologize for destroying an expensive broom for no good reason, but I suppose she was never meant to be particularly likable anyway. 3) The hag scene at the station felt kinda pointless--more of a means to get Alex to angst than anything else. But maybe I'm wrong and it'll come up again in the future. I hope so, at any rate. 4) Enjoyed the scene in the train, particularly because we got to see more of Angelique and got to, well, see Dylan actually do stuff (he had been introduced before, but we knew basically nothing about him other than that he's David's roommate). 5) Liked the Alex/Anna reconciliation scene, though it's clear there are still a bunch of unresolved issues in that relationship. That's a good thing, though--character conflict like that shouldn't be dropped lightly. 6) The ball was awesome. First because of all the Ship Tease (I count Alex/Torvald, Alex/Anna, and Alex/Larry, though I'm slightly disappointed we got no Alex/David). And second, because Abraham showed us once again that, while the Confederation may be incredibly corrupt, he ain't exactly a beacon of light either. Casting the Imperius Curse on a teenager just to deliver a message to his daughter is...effective, I'll give it that much. Evil, but certainly effective. 7) Anna has a crush on Alex. I had suspected this for a while, but the subtext practically became text in the chapter. I counted at least three hints--and while most of them have easy alternate explanations, there are very few ways to take Anna wanting to dance with Alex at a ball.
The second half of the book is shaping up great. Looking forward to chapter 21! :D
How did Thorn pull it off, though? How did he know there was going to be a ball, that Larry was going to be there, get close enough to cast Imperius, etc.? It was more believable that he knew what was going on at Charmbridge when Max was there. Of course, any of the teachers could be part of the Thorn circle (Dean Grimm, maybe?). I do agree that using Larry was probably not a random choice, because Max could have told their father about Larry pretending to use Crucio on Alex. On another note, I'm embarrassed to say how I reacted when Larry asked Alex to dance. Let's just say there was high-pitched screaming involved. The 'ship teases in this chapter were horrible...just horrible! :) So, getting over that, it was disgusting that Thorn basically programmed Larry to deliver a message. It was good to see that Alex at least was a little concerned about the real Larry if her father was using Polyjuice. Not just because I think these two will eventually become at least friends but mostly because it shows that Alex, though single-minded and desperate, is not ruthless in achieving her goals like her father seems to be.
Ball was a good scene, we need some mostly happy scenes after 6 months of doom and gloom, but Pritchards dance with Rashes??? OUCH!!!
David/Angelique is fine. Torvald is nice, Torvald/Pritchards would be OK. But Alex is the Hero, her lover(s) must be nice AND sexy AND important OR you could go for realism, her love affair{s} might be randomly by hormones and Iggy the chest Monster.
Alex/Anna? It might work, but Alex has not caught hormones yet. Girls do dance together, so if A/A had danced,it would have been a bit of fan-service for the shippers without forcing the plot in any direction.
Abraham continues to show off and be flashy in public. "Hey,Auror department. Here is Abe Thorn the famous tyrant delivering SECRET messages again!!!" Aurors continue to be Keystone Kopps.
Diana on the other hand is competent. How did she join the Aurors? Did she sign ner name "Anaid Mmirg?"
Hag scene: I compare to the creepy twins in HpB movie. Twins were in the background building a darksome atmosphere. Hag had too much foreground time.
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inverarity) wrote2010-05-07 12:24 am
Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) 2010-05-07 01:21 pm (UTC)(link)So I left this nice, long, scene-by-scene review of chapter 20...and then fanfiction.net ate it. So yeah, didn't really feel like writing the entire thing out again. >_>
I'll post an actual ff.net review later (mostly to assuage my perfectionist tendencies), but for now, these were the major points:
1) Another great chapter, no real complaints.
2) Good job showing that Diana Grimm is not incompetent, and also humanizing her a little. I still think it would do her good to apologize for destroying an expensive broom for no good reason, but I suppose she was never meant to be particularly likable anyway.
3) The hag scene at the station felt kinda pointless--more of a means to get Alex to angst than anything else. But maybe I'm wrong and it'll come up again in the future. I hope so, at any rate.
4) Enjoyed the scene in the train, particularly because we got to see more of Angelique and got to, well, see Dylan actually do stuff (he had been introduced before, but we knew basically nothing about him other than that he's David's roommate).
5) Liked the Alex/Anna reconciliation scene, though it's clear there are still a bunch of unresolved issues in that relationship. That's a good thing, though--character conflict like that shouldn't be dropped lightly.
6) The ball was awesome. First because of all the Ship Tease (I count Alex/Torvald, Alex/Anna, and Alex/Larry, though I'm slightly disappointed we got no Alex/David). And second, because Abraham showed us once again that, while the Confederation may be incredibly corrupt, he ain't exactly a beacon of light either. Casting the Imperius Curse on a teenager just to deliver a message to his daughter is...effective, I'll give it that much. Evil, but certainly effective.
7) Anna has a crush on Alex.
I had suspected this for a while, but the subtext practically became text in the chapter. I counted at least three hints--and while most of them have easy alternate explanations, there are very few ways to take Anna wanting to dance with Alex at a ball.
The second half of the book is shaping up great. Looking forward to chapter 21! :D
Re: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) - 2010-05-07 23:11 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) - 2010-05-08 05:00 (UTC) - ExpandOh, that hag
Re: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) - 2010-05-07 23:17 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) - 2010-05-08 05:09 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
Re: Chapter 20 Review
(Anonymous) - 2010-05-08 05:12 (UTC) - ExpandThorn's info
On another note, I'm embarrassed to say how I reacted when Larry asked Alex to dance. Let's just say there was high-pitched screaming involved. The 'ship teases in this chapter were horrible...just horrible! :) So, getting over that, it was disgusting that Thorn basically programmed Larry to deliver a message. It was good to see that Alex at least was a little concerned about the real Larry if her father was using Polyjuice. Not just because I think these two will eventually become at least friends but mostly because it shows that Alex, though single-minded and desperate, is not ruthless in achieving her goals like her father seems to be.
ship tease
(Anonymous) 2010-05-09 07:52 am (UTC)(link)Ball was a good scene, we need some mostly happy scenes after 6 months of doom and gloom, but Pritchards dance with Rashes??? OUCH!!!
David/Angelique is fine. Torvald is nice, Torvald/Pritchards would be OK. But Alex is the Hero, her lover(s) must be nice AND sexy AND important OR you could go for realism, her love affair{s} might be randomly by hormones and Iggy the chest Monster.
Alex/Anna? It might work, but Alex has not caught hormones yet. Girls do dance together, so if A/A had danced,it would have been a bit of fan-service for the shippers without forcing the plot in any direction.
Abraham continues to show off and be flashy in public. "Hey,Auror department. Here is Abe Thorn the famous tyrant delivering SECRET messages again!!!" Aurors continue to be Keystone Kopps.
Diana on the other hand is competent. How did she join the Aurors? Did she sign ner name "Anaid Mmirg?"
Hag scene: I compare to the creepy twins in HpB movie. Twins were in the background building a darksome atmosphere. Hag had too much foreground time.